Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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