I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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