I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
