How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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