I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
