He felt like a one man threesome
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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