we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
