just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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