there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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