Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
