Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
