i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
