What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize