now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
