Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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