My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
