I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
