Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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