when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
