saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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