the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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