guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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