now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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