dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I touched a dick in church today
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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