Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
