im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
