dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
