I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
