Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
420 ftw
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
