but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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