legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
