It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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