I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
