There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
