Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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