Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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