so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
