Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
