i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
