Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
he high fived his dick after we had sex
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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