Someone shit on the floor
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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