What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
