i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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