She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
