i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
