Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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