Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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