her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
porn star boner night. come get it.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
