i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
