to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
