ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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