I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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