im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
