I skipped work to stalk him.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
