what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
