Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
