i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
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