Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
